Inside Davos
A Look Back at the World Economic Forum 2023
Since the World Economic Forum 2024 is currently taking place until January 19, I thought that I would share my experience at the WEF 2023 in beautiful Davos Switzerland.
While in a town renowned for its natural beauty, world-class skiing, and terrific summer activities on Lake Davos, the most influential people in the world decided that the best use of time here is to meet in a conference center. I did suggest that we should move the meeting outside while cross-country skiing. Unfortunately, A charge led by Bernard Arnault squashed that idea faster than you can say wow Bernard you have quite the ginormous forehead. Anyway, as I sat through the meeting hearing about what the future may hold, I started talking to the gentleman sitting beside me. Surprisingly, the gentleman beside me showed similar disdain for the conference part of the meeting. “OOOH Let’s listen to the billionaires explain what the common man needs to do differently to save the planet”, he muttered under his breath in a distinct Swiss Accent. I half chuckled while Janet Yellen spoke about her time visiting a coffee plantation in Tanzania that had recently hired a Diversity Equity and Inclusion Officer. What that subject had anything to do with helping save the planet, I’ll never know.
To fast forward through the conference and make this story slightly shorter. The gentleman next to me and I continued to make jokes through one another and after the meeting, he introduced himself as Olivier Schwab. I quickly realized that this man is the son of the chairman of the WEF Klaus Schwab. After the first day of the conference ended, Olivier told me to meet him at his house at 8:30. I asked what for and he simply laughed and responded, “World Economic Forum after dark”. Now originally my plans were to go to a bar and try to hit on Swiss women who are out of my league and just see what happens, but I decided to take Olivier up on his offer without any idea of what to expect be it lizard people drinking adrenochrome while chanting ancient Babylonian hymns. Honestly kind of was hoping there would be some adrenochrome just because it would be cool to try.
I arrived at the address Olivier gave me 452 No Poors Lane and stepped out of the cab to see a sprawling manor with guards at the gate. I gave them my name and they opened the gate. Inside the house quite the party was taking place. I had never seen so much excess in one place from 10 fountains of champagne being refilled by midgets who appeared to be flying through the party dressed as little angles suspended by wires to the buffet where any exotic meat was served. I didn’t really know anyone there and felt like a kid with lice at school but then Olivier came and greeted me, “Welcome to the real WEF,” he said while handing me a drink. He explained to me to hang out here for an hour until we would adjourn to the card room. For a second I was slightly worried about being a sacrifice but then after a couple of drinks I did eventually make friends with some Australians and had a great time discussing the music scene that is coming out of there with many great indie bands such as Skeggs or Spacey Jane. Our conversation ended when Olivier came up and said, “We’ve got to go you don’t want to keep these men waiting.” Full disclosure I got some Epstein island vibes after he said that but we kept walking together.
We entered a card room that looked similar to the poker room in Casino Royale. At the table were some of the most powerful men and women in the world such as Karen Lynch and Bill Ackman. I did shake hands with Bill since you have to respect what he has done getting rid of that idiot at Harvard. Anyway, I expected there to be some serious money being thrown around at table but I was mistaken. We would be playing for something else far worse than losing any money. The first player to be out of chips would have to publicly release a statement written by the others at the table and then stand by that statement for years. Suddenly, it all clicked I mean why would Bill Gates tell people to Eat Bugs which is what they did in Cambodia during Pol Pot’s reign. Wow I realized that when Money is no issue you must play for something else. I sat at the bar and watched the world’s elite play. Obviously, this poker game was played insanely conservatively but as the rounds went on and the hours went by the minimum bet was raised each round. Eventually, the chips fell where they may and the biggest loser turned out to be…Norwegian Timber Magnate Hans Mathiesen. His head collapsed into his hands while he started shouting and sobbing in Norwegian. He was taken to a separate room while the others came up with his quote “In order to create a better society for tomorrow we must be a docile and distractible society today.”
So, there you have it the WEF is just a giant party in Switzerland for the world’s elite and the premise of it being a conference is all just a charade. Can’t say I’m surprised anyway here’s to World Economic Forum 2024 Cheers and we’ll see who the biggest loser is soon enough for this year.
By William Tillyhags